So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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