your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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