Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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