i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
