Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
