walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
