So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
