Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize