operation harelip BJ is a go
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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