I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize