69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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