is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
