I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
