Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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