I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
