you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
