stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
