our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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