i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He did a backflip because drugs
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