At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
