oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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