You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
