mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize