my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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