Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
