Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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