I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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