last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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