You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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