a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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