I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
