guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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