I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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