how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
her vagine was all disorganized.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
