apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
