It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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