If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
where are my eyebrows?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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