I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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