All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
