Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
