I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
