You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
