Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
