we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
