We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
