remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize