I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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