Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
