they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
