i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
