Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
