dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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