Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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