I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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