Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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