I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
