I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
