don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize