It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
