There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize