Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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