Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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