So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
