I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
