No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
