dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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