did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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