my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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