I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
