Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
