I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
