so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
