my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he puts the penis in happiness.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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