life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
