They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
