told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
