mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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