the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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