I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
