i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
