Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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