i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
